Category: One for the Journal

How To Find Happiness

It is really quite simple.  The idea that happiness is elusive or just beyond our grasp is flawed.  Anyone can become happy no matter their circumstance.  The secret is called gift giving.

Do you know how you feel when you’ve done something nice for someone and they show immense gratitude?  You are tickled right down in the back craters of your heart.  It feels good to be kind.  When you are filled with goodness it is that emotion that brings you to living in the moment.  And by living in the present, you leave behind your thoughts of yesterday and your expectations for tomorrow.

So, let’s take the next step.  If you lived each and every day without thoughts or concerns about yourself, but instead replaced those with thoughts of “How Can I Help Someone Today?”, the load of the day will seem lighter because you are living in the present moment. And, by giving your time and effort to someone, the return reward of gratitude will be so tremendous it will put you into a state of happiness. By making it a practice to live this way, the upshot is you shed your woes and sorrows to live in the moment and you find your way to happiness from the gratitude sent your way.

The life a Tibetan monk is the perfect illustration to this concept.  In Tibet, Monks live a simple and fairly peaceful life.  They are dedicated to prayer and serving others and from that they find contentment and pleasure.  Monks choose to not pursue comforts for themselves; even their diet is simple.  Ok, that fits with the idea that by serving others you live in the moment – and by living presently your life will become simple and unfettered.  Result: Comfort & Joy – or, simply put, Happiness!

So, there you have it folks, go on out there and be a ‘gift giver!’

2021 is finally here! Doing away with 2020, the World’s pandemic year, feels delightful in some ways and mournful in others.

I am seeking to find a way to a new vocabulary this New Year. Where resolutions are not something I reach for, I do have thoughts on how to improve myself. Here are some words and actions that I hope to adopt and embrace in the coming days of January.

Dauntless. I want to show fearlessness and determination in all undertakings I am entrusted with; I want to dig deeper and embrace my inner courage.

Vanquish. I am of the mindset that I can thoroughly defeat any fears or doubts I may have. I want to be battle-ready in order to overcome any problem or weakness I may face.

Gumption. If I hear a resounding “No” let every fiber of my being shout back to that voice “Yes”. I want to maintain a shrewd and spirited initiative and encourage myself to reach back with nerve and resourcefulness.

Audacity. I want to be one of great courage and daring and face whatever challenges, however big or small, with a loud tapping toe. I want to be willing to take bold risks and enjoy the thrills that come from this new mental attitude.

Rectitude. I aspire to be straight in my reasoning and align my behavior accordingly. I hope to hold firm in my beliefs, and thereby, hold myself accountable. May any righteousness I show not be born out of judgement of others but only applied to keep myself accountable.

I believe that by adding these new vocabulary words to my inner-dialogue and applying their virtues to my daily life that I will be successful in jump-starting a healthier mind and body.

People get ready…the 2021 train has arrived at the station. Who is ready to climb on with me? All aboard!

The end of 2020 is fast approaching, and in the past months of this pandemic year the world’s rhythm has undergone a tremendous modulation. I believe we have all felt its impact in our daily lives, devotions and in each forward step we made. I am all for change, I even go so far as to say it is essential to growth. But this year the world’s changes are so profound it is hard to find your way to a normal pace.

Indeed, the recognition that our needs have changed has led us to make our daily lives our living prayers. Throughout the months of this pandemic, we have had to rely on our convictions – both old and the newly fashioned. My awareness has been heightened by the blessings I have received since the virus was introduced to our earth. I believe in the unity that has resulted; I believe in the revitalization of the American spirit which has been demonstrated by the grace bestowed around me. I am embracing the ‘coming together force of energies’ that are driving the world in resetting to this new rhythm.

Whether we like it or not, all the world’s inhabitants are dependent on each other. It is foolish to believe we can make it through without help. If we approach what is in front of us in 2021 with vigorous, energetic uses of initiative, and apply forcefulness where needed, we will endure and we can find our way out.

Relationships of all kinds are given to us to make us conscious. They keep us realigned with our higher purpose. I practice reaching a conscious-self by inhaling abundance and exhaling appreciation to all those souls around me. And, where this practice is not one that is propelled by the pandemic but one I have always prescribed to, its practice can help anyone reach a greater awareness.

Goodbye to 2020 Leap Year – I seriously didn’t need an extra day of your crap. COVID spelled backwards is DIVOC – and so I say…What DIVOC?

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“Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from the generation we birthed.”

-Tribe Unknown

There is a line from a favorite John Prine song that reads “I am old woman, named after my mother. My old man is another child that’s grown old.” Where is it certainly true that the Professor is a child at heart and even more so as he ages, the truest ring in the line is that I am an old woman, and yes, was named after my beautiful mother.

This Thanksgiving I will be spending with Sister Golden Hair and her family. It is the first time we have all been around a Thanksgiving table together in more than 25 years. I am obsessing with making it a true Long family affair which will stoke memories in the both of us.

Being the kitchen dweller I am, I have begun the early preparation of what Thanksgiving dishes can be handled beforehand. One of them is my mom’s stuffing. Sister and I have had a ritual of sorts ever since our momma left the earth. We both, from our separate kitchens 1,000 miles apart, light a candle and invite Mom to come into the kitchen with us and put her ‘magic’ in our hands. Silly, I guess, but to us it is like calling on angels. If you are so inclined, you do understand.

Last afternoon, after I had finished making the cranberry sauce and the stuffing, I cleaned up the kitchen and blew the candle out. As I made my way to the living room the clock read 3:56 pm. I thought, ‘Nice, maybe I can catch a 4 o’clock movie starting.’ I flipped around the stations and sure enough, I found one that I thought would peak my interest. As I sat the few minutes waiting for it to start, I closed my eyes and began a silent devotion to Mom. I thanked her for joining me, I thanked her for everything. I told her of my hopes that this holiday would be most meaningful in that Sis and I would be together again.

Hearing the background music of the movie beginning to play, I opened my eyes and put my attention to the screen. There manifested before my eyes was her name spelled out in vivid letters. What? Based on a book by….Jeannie Long?

Yes, I think my mother does know! There are signs everywhere!

On October 11th, a very special woman left this earth. She was most certainly bound for greatness in heaven for that is the way she lived on this earth. This woman was by marriage, my Great Aunt, however more important than that fact, she was my mother’s best friend. It is great family lore as to her coming into our family in such a big way, but that is for another story.

To illustrate this story, I chose a photo of my mother and my Aunt when they were sixteen. There is so much one can garner from their poses. When I look at it, I straighten my backbone and hold my head erect knowing that the tiara I inherited from them needs to always remain straight for I descend from some pretty astounding women – my grandmother and great-grandmother all the way down through my lineage were women who bore struggles, private challenges and magnificent triumphs. And, although there were profound differences in our circumstances, we all turned out the same: stubborn, educated women with a weakness for spreading kindness.

I will leave you with this magnificent prose from the one and only Maya Angelou, it speaks volumes to the loss I feel from the departure of this splendid woman from my life.

Dedicated to Shirley Harvey White ~ Born 3/1/1930 – Died 10/11/2020 ~ Rest in Peace my darling, this world was a better place with you in it.

When great trees fall, boulders on distant hills shudder,
Lions hunker down in tall grasses,
And even elephants lumber after safety.

When great trees fall in forests,
Small things recoil into silence,
Their senses eroded beyond fear.

When great souls die, the air around us becomes light, rare, sterile.
We breathe, briefly. Our eyes briefly see with a hurtful clarity.
Our memory, suddenly sharpened, examines,
Gnaws on kind words unsaid, and promised walks never taken.

Great souls die and our reality, bound to them, takes leave of us.
Our souls dependent upon their nurture,
Now shrink wizened.
Our minds formed and informed by their radiance fall away.
We are not so much maddened
As reduced to the unutterable ignorance of dark, cold caves.

And, when great souls die, after a period peace blooms
Slowly and always irregularly.
Spaces fill with a kind of soothing electric vibration
Our senses restored, never to be the same, whisper to us.
They existed! They existed!
We can be, and be better because they existed.

-Maya Angelou

I came across a compelling photo of my granddaughter the other day sitting on the floor of her gym and the first word that came to mind was resilience. This is not is not such an odd thought to have, this child was made from material that when stretched will bounce back to its original shape. That is ingrained in her persona. She is one to carry on in the face of challenge or difficulty, even in times of stress like we have now during this pandemic. She is remarkable; no wonder she is one of my heroes.

Our world is now filled with challenges to the likes we have never seen. The perplexities of our political climate, social unrest, failing environment, deadly virus – just to name a few, have placed on us the burden to have to dig deeper and respond with an elastic and malleable gesture just to stay grounded. It is all mind-boggling. I have allowed my thoughts to wander in an effort to make sense out of it all, but as my grandmother used to say “you can’t make sense out of crazy, Donna Jean”. So I am letting it all just BE.

Resilience is something we ‘need more of’ in all arenas of our lives. To be able to adapt and recover quickly is an attribute that is sorely needed. I heard a story the other day that depicts resilience but not in the way you think. Let me explain: A young harried mother of three, leaving soccer practice with crying disgruntled children who were rebelling against the home dinner menu selection the mother had announced, decided instead to appease and find some peace to her own stressful day. After she buckled them all in, she headed to McDonalds. As most of you know, the McD restaurants are only serving by their Drive-Up lane. After this young gal ordered and got to the window to pay, she realized her wallet was left beside the computer at home where she had pulled it to pay for some on-line tutoring. Now, she was crying and fitfully trying to explain to the young man behind the window that she would be back. “No worries,” the teenaged cashier replied as he reached into his wallet and immediately swiped his own card. “Just pay-it-forward”, he said. More tears and beeping horns behind her, the young mother accepted the grace that was being bestowed. The story ends days later when a GoFundMe page the young mother established raised $35,000 as a reward for the young man’s generosity. Here is where I see resilience: first, I see it in the young man, one who was reported to be working to save money to buy a car. He ‘stretched’ his humanity in the face of an adverse situation. He ‘recovered’ quickly and took action without a second thought. I, also, see resilience in the young mother who ‘bounced’ back from her astounded state of mind and furthered the acceptance of grace by paying it, as the young man requested, forward. All in all, a beautiful cycle of grace born out of resilience.

Even with all that is going on in our country today; the shouts and complaints and worries being played out in the media, I still am glad to live in a world where this kind of grace exists. Keep it 100% people, keep yourselves grounded!

The universe has seemingly slowed its harried pace. I think most will agree that there is now more time to devote to improving ourselves and our outlooks. Cultivating knowledge has always been a passion for me. I love learning new things, and am always excited to delve into something that interests me and find out exactly what makes that one thing ‘tick’.

Every Friday night during the pandemic, the Professor and I have ordered carry-out from a favorite Asian bistro. This, of course, was done to not only give the ‘chief cook and bottle-washer’ a break, but also to show support and help lift the family who owns the restaurant. I have always had an interest in asian cuisine after having visited many of the asian capitals as a young woman. Whereas I could make a very fine stir fry employing asian ingredients and techinques I have picked up along the way, I wanted to delve deeper. I started my research by visiting sites of great chefs and cooks who specialize in this bill of fare. Now, I can proudly say I can serve you up Drunken Noodles, Shrimp Pad Thai, and Crying Tiger Salad that’s as good as most any Thai restaurant.

I also learned how to clean out an HVAC condensate line. Yes, I always wanted to know how to do this. Hot Florida summers have HVAC units running around the clock down here so I felt it was important to know how to take this action if our until ever shuts down. You Tube is the new Advanced Learning teacher!

As I previously posted, there is Baseball on my television 24/7 it seems since the sport safely reemerged to finish up its season. Well, the MLB network that streams these games for the Professor, plays several commercials with catchy tunes attached. Borne out of boredom, I have learned to play these little ditties on my uke. Now, when these commericals come on I grab my instrument and fill the room with an accompaniment!

On a more spiritual note. I have learned to listen more quietly. For when one quiets the mind, amazing thoughts spring forth that carry with them healing energy which grows our humanity. Give it a try. Next time you are in conversation with someone, close your eyes and let their words reach your quiet mind. See where it takes you. There is an astonishing degree of between-the-lines knowledge that will find you.

Labor Day, in this year of 2020, was vastly different than the past end of summer holiday weekends we all knew before when we would pay tribute to the contributions and achievements of the American worker with parades and picnics. Even though these type of celebrations are no longer possible given the current state of affairs, why not take the time to learn something new – work on paying tribute to the labor you put in on expanding your own self-education.

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“The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it.”

Mother Teresa

As most of you know sports are on in my household 24/7.   And since I do not give a wit about sports that leaves the Professor as the obsessed one (Pearl Bailey’s only sport is Lizard Gulping and that is not a televised event- thank goodness).

Sports fans around the world are aware of the 7 second delay.  This is the
delay in broadcast time to allow a margin for censoring and catching any
technical errors or glitches.  That, in itself, is not interesting.  But this
brief and somewhat fascinating fact is…the Professor has acquired an eerie
ability to speak out the announcers EXACT words before they do! Even more so, this psychic ability of his even beats out the 7 second delay.  In other words, he has it before the network!  These occurrences actual happen repeatedly throughout whatever game he may be watching – play-by-play (no matter the sport) the Professor will call out a phrase and the next thing you
hear is the announcer uttering the same sentiment.  I mean, it really IS freaky; even infrequent visitors to our home have commented on it.   And the friends who come by to catch a game with the Professor on a regular basis have taken to calling him ‘haunted’.   Since learning of this, I’ve begun to pay attention.

Saturday evening I was cleaning up in the kitchen when I heard the Professor speaking out loud. He said, “The Preakness is on and I can’t believe that in 145 runnings of this iconic horse race they will not be playing the State song, Maryland, My Maryland this year.  Thinking myself witty, I called back from the kitchen, “Oh well, they stole that song anyway from the 1824 German Christmas Carol, Oh Tannenbaum.”   Now, you are thinking nothing strange or unnatural about that exchange, right?   Well, read on…

Fast forward an hour, dinner is now finished and cleaned up and it is
time to join the Professor in front of the tube and catch an episode of
Jeopardy. In the first line up of questions Alex Trebek read the following clue
“Maryland’s state song, Maryland, My Maryland is sung to the tune of
what Christmas carol?” We both just stopped dead in our tracks and
looked at each other with dropped jaws, I mean…the Professor’s psychic
abilities are not just haunted – they are downright creepy!

I’m booking us a flight to Vegas!

It ‘ain’t’ easy to find balance; to stop time and commit moments to memories, but these efforts are essential to one’s soul. Finding the time to fill yourself up with the joys of others is where you can reach the deepest chambers of your heart. We are all in need of the cultural shift that has been presented to us. I believe the increase in awareness will bring about a great societal change.

The loss of one of my heroes, the undeterrable Ruth Bader Ginsberg, has placed me in a sober and thoughtful place. The life work of this amazing focused and dauntless woman was to bring change to a sexist world. By her championing the cause, she was able in her lifetime to bring about a shift in the attitudes, conditions and behaviors that promoted stereotyping of the female gender. She, with her diminutive stature, raised an iron fist for feminism all the while displaying a feminine grace with her lace collars, statement necklaces and silken shawls. I wish I could have thanked her before she left this earth. Yet, I instinctively know she was aware of all the tributes that followed her departure from this world.

We are all in a quandary about where this pandemic will leave us. There is no precedent for the world being upside down. Finding our way to a more spiritual life; learning to be kinder, more patient, more loving will definitely precipitate a movement and bring about new meaning to life itself.

This is the nectar of the Milk of Human Kindness. I hope its topics will plant seeds in your soil and sprout great vines of hope in all.

I leave you with the words of the great songwriter, Randy Newman…”Human Kindness is Overflowing”

Baseball is back, and the rhythm it brings has our little beach house humming.  The Professor is in his glory with night after night of games being broadcast, some back-to-back, to get in what remains of the actual season after the forced Covid-19 halt.

I must admit, I am not a sports fan.  However, I am an adoptee into a family of rabid fans of every sport ever played.  This self-imposed integration into this family had me up against of wall of either sink or swim.  I chose to swim (sports pun intended here!)  So, I commune with sports running in the background of my desired lyrical life.  That being said…if I had to pick a sport to play on as a backdrop, it would be baseball.

Even though baseball games are long in duration, they are quiet.  Now, I do not mean quiet in the sense that they are now being played without the attendance of their fans; I mean there is quiescent sense to the game of baseball itself; it is a passive almost peaceful battle to the bottom of the ninth inning.  There is also the comforting narrative of the Professor’s favorite announcers, F.P. Santangelo & Bob Carpenter, and the backdrop of a lovely summer evening.  It must invoke childhood memories in one; it is no wonder it is called America’s game, it is agreeable. 

There is something soothing that comes to a person who commits to watching a baseball game on the screen.  It’s a 3 to 4-hour respite from the political ads and the harsh reality of our country’s current strife.  The viewer can let his or her mind wander all the while concentrating on the batting line up and emitting audible shouts at the Ump behind home plate.  Heck, the Professor has even taken to putting names to the cardboard cutouts of the fans, and this little aspect always provokes hilarity in him.  Huh?

So, if you want to envision me in my current habitat, for whatever reason, see me as happily curled up on the sofa with my uke beside me and a paper and pen nearby.  And, in that picture, put a soft blur onto the huge TV screen in the background!  Those boys rolling in dirt ARE part of my reality, and while they were not exactly invited to my party, they ARE in attendance. 

Secretly, I really don’t mind!

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“The thing I like about baseball is that it’s one-on-one. You stand up there alone, and if you make a mistake, it’s your mistake. If you hit a home run, it’s your home run.” — Hank Aaron